Marriage is one of the most significant life decisions a person can make. It's a commitment that intertwines two lives, bringing both joy and challenges. While marriage can be a wonderful union, the reasons behind tying the knot are critical in determining the success and happiness of the relationship. Unfortunately, many people enter marriage for the wrong reasons, which can lead to dissatisfaction, regret, and eventual breakdowns in the relationship. Below are some of the most common wrong reasons for getting married and why they should be avoided.
Pressure from family or society
One of the most common reasons people feel compelled to marry is due to pressure from family or societal expectations. This can come in the form of intrusive questions, such as “When are you getting married?” or comments like “You’re not getting any younger.” These pressures often make people feel as though they need to marry to fit into societal norms or meet family expectations. However, marrying to appease others can result in deep resentment, especially when the individual realises they entered the marriage for others’ satisfaction rather than their own. It’s essential to ensure that marriage is a personal choice, not one influenced by external pressures.
Fear of being alone
The fear of loneliness often drives individuals into partnerships they are not truly invested in. Loneliness is a powerful emotion, and the idea of having someone to share life with can seem like an antidote. However, a marriage based on avoiding solitude rather than genuine love and compatibility is unlikely to fulfil either partner in the long term. True companionship comes from a relationship built on trust, mutual respect, and shared values. Rushing into marriage to avoid being alone risks masking deeper issues of self-worth and emotional dependability that deserve attention and care outside of a marital relationship.
Fixing a relationship
Some people see marriage as a way to fix an unstable or problematic relationship. The thought process often leans on the flawed idea that bigger commitments will solve ongoing issues, such as communication breakdowns, trust deficits, or differing values. Sadly, marriage rarely resolves existing problems and often magnifies them. Before considering marriage, couples must address and resolve their underlying issues first to ensure they are committing to each other from a place of mutual understanding and shared purpose.
Financial or other practical benefits
Marrying for practical reasons, such as financial stability, citizenship, or avoiding external life challenges, can appear logical but often results in unfulfilling relationships. While there’s no denying the importance of financial stability within a marriage, it should not be the primary driving force for saying “I do.” Relationships built on transactional purposes often lack emotional depth and genuine connection, which are the cornerstones of a successful marriage. It's important to consider whether the marriage would hold value without those practical benefits.
Because “it’s the next step”
Many assume that getting married is the natural progression of a long-term relationship, even if neither partner feels particularly enthusiastic about the idea. Just because a couple has been together for an extended period does not necessarily mean they are suited for marriage. Viewing marriage as an obligation rather than an active decision can lead to dissatisfaction or regret further down the line. A long-term relationship can be meaningful and fulfilling on its own without turning it into a marriage. Every relationship is unique, and its trajectory should be based on the individuals involved, not societal timelines.
Pressure from an unexpected pregnancy
While pregnancy is a major life event, it does not necessarily mean marriage is the best next step. Many couples feel compelled to marry when they discover they are expecting a child, often believing it is the “right” thing to do for the sake of the child. However, a marriage without a strong foundation of love, respect, and compatibility is unlikely to create the nurturing environment that is truly best for the child. Parenthood is a significant and rewarding commitment, but it doesn’t require marriage unless both partners are fully committed to and ready for such a union.
Make marriage a choice, not an obligation
Marriage is a lifelong partnership that requires commitment, mutual understanding, and love. Deciding to enter into marriage should not be taken lightly or done for the wrong reasons. Pressures, external benefits, or attempts to fix existing problems in a relationship don’t provide the strong foundation a marriage needs to thrive. When approached thoughtfully and intentionally, marriage can be deeply fulfilling. Ultimately, it’s a deeply personal choice that should align with your values, emotions, and future goals—free from misplaced motivations.
